Tuesday, June 16, 2009


Testing....testing.....is this thing on? Sometimes I think that, I know that, children have selective hearing. My kids could not hear me asking them to please pick up their ______ and put it away when I was standing right next to them.

However, if my husband called me and asked if I wanted him to bring pizza home for dinner, my kids could hear that from three blocks away. With headphones on. At a football game. With 10,000 people screaming in their ear. While they were underwater. In the ocean. Which is not three blocks away.

A child's hearing is filtered from one ear to the other. It's the strangest thing. Here are some helpful translations to help you understand what they're thinking if you are "in the trenches" with your kids:

You say "Please put your coat away"..........
They hear "No, really, just leave it on the floor."

You say "Dinner is ready!"
They hear "Dinner will be ready three hours from now."

You say "Please go into the bathroom and wash your muddy hands."
They hear "Please go and wipe your muddy hands all over my new, clean towels and be sure and don't use any water either."

You say "You don't look so good. Do you feel o.k.?"
They hear "Please throw up all over me."

You say "No!"
They hear "Of course you may! Just as long as you keep asking me over and over and be sure and throw a fit while you do it!"

You say "What were you thinking?"
They hear "??????????"

You say "Please go clean your room."
They hear "Please go play in your room."

You say "Please do not hit your brother."
They hear "Oh please hit your brother."

You say "Are you listening to me?"
They hear "....................." (please insert chirping birds and glazed over eyes, theirs, not yours)

You say "You need to go finish your homework."
They hear "Homework never did anybody any good."

You say "You need to go and take a bath."
They hear "Bath? Who needs a bath?"

You say "Please do not argue with me."
They hear "Argue? Oh man, I love it when you argue with me!"

You say "It's bedtime. Please go get ready."
They hear "From now on you can stay up as late as you want."

You say "I don't care what so-and-so gets to do, you're not doing it!"
They hear "...................." (please insert sound of birds chirping)

You say "No, you may not have a t.v., phone or computer in your room at your age."
They hear "We are going to be buying you your own house to live in, just for you!"

However, you will be happy to know that their hearing improves with age! A little, so don't get overly excited here.....


  1. hahahaha, this was so great. You are one creative girl :)!

  2. That was too funny1 Don't forget our pets now.... they have selective hearing as well. Or at least mine does.

  3. Oh so funny and oh so true!! Lovin' (and livin') this list! :D

  4. too funny... hope it continues to get better, for all of us!

  5. Yup, I've experienced some of those already. Looks like I've got a looooooooong road ahead of me. :|

  6. Let's see...at what age is that?

    Hello and Good Morning to you, Nan!
    Would you like to come over for a cup of coffee?


  7. isn't it the same with husbands sometimes??

  8. Awesome post!!!!!

    Wish I couldn't relate ;0)

    Mrs. Nurse Boy

  9. LOL...I have found that their hearing doesn't improve much until they are in college! Our oldest son has finally returned to being a human being again... with ears and everything! He actually communicates with us now. On the other hand, his younger brother (recent high school graduate) still needs to improve his listening skills!

  10. My favorite is..."Did you brush your teeth?"

    They hear...."As long as you brushed your teeth sometime in the past week, you're good"

    Its good to know its not only my boys!!

  11. My time is coming with the little one but definitely this list applies to my husband. Oh wait! He never listens to ANYTHING I say. The other day I stood almost right in front of him and told him 3 things. Two seconds later he asked me the 3 things I had just told him. I wanted to pull my hair out..or was it his hair?

  12. Too funny! Every time I tell my boys to go clean their room, they end up maybe picking up two toys and then playing for an hour!! I sure their hearing gets a little better!

  13. This post is SO funny and so true to life. I am liking the one about when we say "no", and what they hear. I just might have them read this post, in hopes that the translation might help them realize they are hearing it all wrong. ;o)

  14. Amazing how all kids hear the same things!!! LOL! Except when I tell Alex to take a bath...I hear water running...and running...and running...and he's nowhere near the bath!!! {and...I've found this is also true of spouse's too! haha!} I say: Please take your dirty, grassy shoes off by the door He hears: you can walk through the house leaving grass and dirt all over the floor and take your shoes off while sitting in the recliner! LOL!

  15. I am so glad that it improves...cause I believe their are completely deaf right now. I get better response from the walls. LOL Atleast they don't talk back they just listen.:) Waiting for those days...patiently. *sigh*

  16. Do you have my children? and husband? You got this list right on! Funny.

  17. Those are funny. Love the birds churping.

  18. Oh Nan! My kids are SOOOOOOOOOO exactly what you just described. I'm so glad I'm not alone.

    I must admit though, if I'm busy or in the middle of something, I tend to have a great filter. My kids talk and I nod, and talk back without really having a clue. I can sleep through just about anything, too. Hey, if they can filter me, I sure as heck can filter them right back!

  19. Have you been listening in on conversations at my house???

    My 3 boys are the worst for getting my bathroom counters all muddy when they are supposed to be washing their hands, but instead are playing in the water and splashing muddiness everywhere!!

  20. I loved this! HAHAHAHAHAAA So glad I'm not in the thick of that anymore - they HAVE their own houses and they can have them as MESSY as they want.
    We did have a young man live with us for a while and he had friends come over and once in a while I would tell them to do something - it was usually serious - BUT I did it with a slight smile on my face ... this young man said - Dude - you gotta do what she says - and they would say - ya - but she has that smile on her face - and this guy would say - DUDE - IGNORE the smile - LISTEN to the words!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA
    I thot that was HILARIOUS!

  21. lol..too funny and so so true. This is daily for me! I might as well be talking to a wall ugh? LOL

    Great post!! It is always FUN to visit you ladies here:)

  22. This was hilarious! I guess all families are pretty much alike!

  23. Oh man...I have a long ways to go until they listen....Such a bummer!!! LOL. My kids say the same things to me like I didn't hear you...Um, I yelled that at you for like 20 minutes....;)

    Sheesh...That was fun-eeeee!!

  24. My child must have learned that from daddy!

  25. So you know my 2 boys then?! I would love to be able to hear and see what goes on those tiny brains of theirs! It has to be their dad's influence, I am sure of that!

  26. Oh I can't tell you how many times lately that I have asked Reagan if she is deaf! You are so correct... they totally have selective hearing!

  27. have you been hiding in my house!!! I say "No swearing...some words adults say are words kids should never say...."
    They hear.....cursing like a sailor makes you cool!
    and then the soap came out!
    -true story...chapter 7 of today! lol

  28. LOL! These are so true at our house! ;) I kept nodding as I was going down the list. LOL!

  29. Gee, Nan. It sounds like you might have been doing this parenting thing awhile?? LOL

  30. Oh, my Nan! I tried leaving this comment on your personal blog but it is so weird...

    I typed my comment. Word verification was there. The button that says post comment...no where to be found... refreshed a few times... went to a few other posts... same thing... so here it is. Pertaining to you and your kids dressed up for your church function with really long hair.

    This looks like some of the dress up outfits my kids put together. Fun flashback.

    Just to let you know...I don't know if it is trouble on my end or yours but I have had trouble getting on your site the last week... I started having trouble with two other sites, too. Don't know if anyone else has had the same problem.

    But that's why I've not been around. I asked my nephew who is a computer repair guy and he didn't even have any suggestions as to what the cause might be. A few people have suggested downloading firefox...not sure if I want to do that...sometimes you get more problems than fixes when you add new software...you know what I mean???


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