In the past I have posted about things of earth-shattering importance, such as the battle of the leg hair or waxing my upper lip. But I have never tackled the final frontier.......a pedicure.
I used to think people who got pedicures were a little, well, prissy........until I had one. Oh. My. Word. The song "A Whole New World" comes to mind but I won't sing it because then you will run away screaming, and I want you to stay so we can get to know one another better.
You know, there comes a point when your leg hair gets so long that you either need to mow 'em or grow 'em, shave 'em or braid 'em. I decided to shave them before my pedicure as I didn't want the gal to be blinded by a stray leg hair while she was clipping my toenails and actually cut off a toe or severe an artery or something.
So the day came. MY FIRST PEDICURE (cue music). I put on my shoes and socks and headed out the door, then realized that perhaps I should wear flip flops so as not to ruin the pedi. I drove to the mall and met my friends there. After all, you can't get a pedicure alone can you? Can you?
We all sat in the chairs and I removed my flip flops and tried to hide my ugly toes by putting my feet in the lovely, blue swirling water. As I put my feet in the water it occured to me that I needn't have bothered shaving. The water was so hot it would have boiled the hair right off my legs (and some of the skin too) and saved me alot of trouble.
Once I got used to the steaming caldron I began to enjoy myself. That is until "she" came. I call her The Torturer.
She sat on my chest so I couldn't breathe, grabbed my leg and bent and twisted it as hard as she could, laughingly manically at my sobbing......the pain was overwhelming......I couldn't breathe.....I.......oh, sorry, I guess I got a little carried away. Never mind.
The massage was nice. When she started using the smoother-thingy (I am really up on all this stuff, aren't you thrilled?) on the bottoms of my feet, it was all I could do not to squirm away. What can I say, I am very ticklish. I darned near kicked her teeth out trying to get away, poor thing. I hope she has insurance.
Then, Miss Torturer decended on my poor little toes with her torturous, sharp, whirrring table-saw. She called it a nail file but I know what I saw. Whatever.......
sharp, dangerous blade nail file came close I flinched smiled, after all how bad could it be? As I watched the lady saw my toes off, one toe at a time, I begged for mercy, sobbing "stop, please, stop!" But she showed no mercy. It was really a piece of cake, no problem at all and I will never go again I would definitely do it again!
The funniest thing was, the rest of the day I could hardly keep my eyes off of my perky toes! I heartily recommend a pedicure if you haven't tried one! Then you can have perky toes too! Just give me a call and I'll
run away screaming in fear be happy to go with you!