WORLD'S WORST CHRISTMAS GIFTS EVA!!!
A period in time where my hair looked like this:
A MOM'S NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
It was the night before Christmas,
When all through the abode,
Only one creature was stirring,
And she was cleaning the commode.
The children were finally sleeping,
All snug in their beds,
While visions of Nintendo 64 and Barbie,
Flipped through their heads.
The dad was snoring in front of the TV,
With a half-constructed bicycle on his knee.
So only the mom heard the reindeer hooves clatter,
Which made her sigh, "Now what's the matter?"
With toilet bowl brush still clutched in her hand,
She descended the stairs, and saw the old man.
He was covered with ashes and soot, which fell with a shrug.
"Oh great," muttered the mom, "Now I have to clean the rug."
"Ho-ho-ho! cried Santa, I'm glad you're awake.
Your gift was especially difficult to make."
"Thanks, Santa, but all I want is some time alone.
"Exactly!" he chuckled, "I've made you a clone."
"A clone? she asked, What good is that?
Run along, Santa, I've no time for chit-chat."
"She'll cook, she'll dust, she'll mop every mess.
You'll relax, take it easy, watch The Young & the Restless."
"Fantastic!" the mom cheered.
"My dream come true!
I'll shop. I'll read,
I'll sleep a whole night through! "
From the room above, the youngest began to fret.
"Mommy?! I'm scared and I 'm wet."
The clone replied, "I'm coming, sweetheart."
"Hey," the mom smiled, "She knows her part."
The clone changed the small one, and hummed a tune,
As she bundled the child, in a blanket cocoon.
"You the best mommy ever. I really love you."
The clone smiled and sighed, "I love you, too."
The mom frowned and said, "Sorry, Santa, no deal.
That's my child's love, she's trying to steal."
Smiling wisely Santa said, "To me it is clear,
Only one loving mother, is needed here."
The mom kissed her child, and tucked her into bed.
"Thank you, Santa, for clearing my head.
I sometimes forget, it won't be very long,
When they'll be too old, for my cradle-song."
The clock on the mantle began to chime.
Santa whispered to the clone, "It works every time."
With the clone by his side Santa said, "Goodnight.
Merry Christmas, Mom! You'll be all right!"
SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED
'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.
Instructions were studied and we were inspired,
in hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required."
The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
while Dad and I faced the evening with dread:
a kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house to boot!
And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!
We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat
- let no parts be missing or parts incomplete!
"Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
if we can't get it right, it goes in the basement!"
When what to my worrying eyes should appear
but 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear.
With each part numbered and every slot named,
so if we failed, only we could be blamed.
More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
all over the carpet they were scattered about.
"Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!"
"Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand."
"Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand."
And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact
that all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact
To keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
with "assembly required" till morning's first light.
We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.
The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin
before we attached the last rod and last pin.
Then laying the tools away in the chest,
we fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.
But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
"This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.
Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,
and not have to run to the store for a thing!
We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
for the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!"
Then off to dreamland and sweet repose
I gratefully went, though I suppose
there's something to say for those self-deluded...
I'd forgotten that BATTERIES are never included!
Alright ~ So I try not to be very serious on my posts for this blog. However, I feel like this is something that although I don't have girls, I am passionate about. I want each girl and young woman to feel like they are beautiful JUST THE WAY GOD MADE THEM!
1. Check out the video
2. Load up your purse with a stack of post it notes
3. Go to town on the mirrors in the bathrooms when you are Christmas Shopping?
4. If you snap a picture of it, send it into OPERATION BEAUTIFUL!!! They would love to see it!
I don't know where these pictures
surfaced came from. They are NOT me. I obviously have a twin out there. OBVIOUSLY! Because I already told you that I would NOT be caught dead doing this outside my office. No way!
Have a magnificent Monday, y'all!
Actress wants the BUMP IT. Really? She is 9 why does she need high hair with bumps in it? It is all we can do some mornings to get it in a ponytail, let alone a stylish bumpy ponytail.
Model wants the ever popular snuggie...she is always soooooo cold. She is one practical kid.
Angel might even want one too for our cold winters here in Michigan. Who knew snuggies for doggies?
Have you tried anything from those As Seen On TV commercials?
Are there any you are dying to try?
Any that you just adore?
Having a Giveaway today at my personal blog...visit here.
Howdy! I'm a full-time workin' mom of 4 who loves photography & enjoys blogging in my spare time. I love swimming, the beach & all things summer! This Texas gal is definitely quirky, sarcastic, & foofy - yet I'm still a total tomboy at heart. Come meet my family over at Scottsville.
I am a SAHM of 3 very spirited children. They have me running in 3 different directions without a map. When I am not lost, I enjoy Sports, Scrapbooking, Shopping & Photography. You can get to know me better at my personal blog: He & Me +3