Monday, August 2, 2010

WARNING---- BORING, yet I bet you can relate!!!

It was a Sunday afternoon... just your everyday, run-of-the-mill, Sunday afternoon. The kids had just left to go see their daddy, so it was just me in the house. It was quiet. Too quiet. Must have noise!

The TV is always good for filler-noise. Who knows, maybe there's something entertaining on!

And so it began. The HUNT. All I wanted was the remote. Just one simple, little remote control. It had been a few hours since I'd last seen it, but I new it was here somewhere. It could NOT be far.

Hmmm, usually it is found nestled beneath a couch pillow... or inside the doors of the entertainment center. Checked all the regular spots, no remote. Not under there, not on top of there, not on that little table.... must dig deeper.

And so began the removal of couch cushions. And THAT, my friends, is when it happened.

That is when I found.... uh..... well, it might be easier to list what all I didn't find! I did not find a live horse, no kitchen sink, and no kitchen mop. But everything else was under there!

The more I looked, the more my blood seemed to boil.

BIG COUCH - (the most common sittin' spot)

Cushion #1 -
3 Butterfinger wrappers (the miniature kind though), 1 cotton ball, one Star Wars III movie in case, 1 Bugle Boy label off of some socks that we bought who knows when, 1 red 80-sheet wireless notebook, a dirty sock, a ballet slipper & some crumbs

I thought that was bad, til I moved to the next one:

Cushion #2 -
1 purple shirt, 1 white tank top, 1 pair of panties, 1 bra, 3 socks, a hair tie & the other ballet slipper (all of THAT belonged to Riley), a washrag, a screwdriver, a PSP game, a miniature skateboard, 6 used kleenexes, a pencil, a battery, 2 paperclips, a firework, a couple of Legos, 4 pieces of notebook paper, a kids-meal book from Whataburger, some tiny pieces of trash, a few air-soft pellets, and more crumbs.

Seriously? This is ridiculous!

Cushion #3 -
a magnifying glass, 2 pencils, a scarf (this one's actually MINE?!), a few pieces of random paper, 2 receipts, a sock, 2 game pieces, a Tic Tac, and more crumbs.

Ya know, after the big reveal under cushion #2, this one seemed so MILD!


Cushion #1 -
half an easter egg, a hole puncher, a pencil, an eraser, another Lego, a bag of BBs, a papertowel, a key, a battery, more loose air-soft pellets, and a Gatti-land game card.

Cushion #2 -
a sock, a toy walrus, a cardboard boomerang, the other half of that easter egg, a pen, a hair-rubberband, and an unknown object? (the kids will surely know what it's for)

Someday... some way... my house will be clean. That day will probaby not be until I no longer have kids at home, huh?

2 dirty socks, a playing card, half of an ink pen, and a ton of loose air-soft pellets, and a cracker.... but no longer in "whole" form.... make that a million cracker crumbs.

And ya know what? STILL no remote control.

So I began looking UNDER the couches. And ya know what? It was WORSE than under the cushions:

5 socks, a rag, 2 stereo speakers w/ cords, a fanny-pack (I've never seen this thing before in my life), a t-shirt, trash, a nametage cord, a Nintendo DS game, a spiral notebook, a CD holder, lots a trash, a pink basetball bat, a camp badge, notebook paper, many Legos, a variety of batteries, a magazine, mail fliers, a knife, scissors, dumbell, half of a recorder, a walking stick, a straw, a kleenex, and a thingamabobble (I have no idea what it is)!

And ya know what? Still no remote.

Now my living room which "appeared" to be clean just 30 minutes ago is literally TRASHED! And my kids aren't even here to clean it up. So begins the job of putting it all away... also known as DUMPING it all in their rooms so THEY can clean it up when they get home.


Guess what? Upon duping off a load of said junk in the boys' room, I found my remote... Lying on Mathew's bed. Figures!

Now, go check under your cushions and leave me a comment telling me how bad your's are. Come on, this Mama needs to feel better about HER house.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. I had to remove my last comment due to a typo. Oops.

    YIKES!!! You must have some incredibly thick cushions to be able to sit on all of that stuff. Ha.

    I wish I could help you feel better, but our cushions don't come off of our couch or chairs.

    However, when I wash my daughter's car seat cover, I usually find a gold fish or two -- some crumbs from Chick-fil-a, and some loose change. Did that help?

  3. Omgosh I am still in awe. That is too funny. I usually find some crumbs and some change...maybe a piece of a wrapper too...but nothing else. Oh hair. LOL
    Sorry you are talking to a neat freak over here. LOL

  4. No Way!!! YOU FOUND A DS GAME????? BY ANY CHANCE, IS IT THE MONSTER TRUCK GAME THAT I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR UNDER MY CUSHIONS AND COUCH AND TV STAND AND BASKETS AND TOY BOXES AND PURSES AND IN THE HAMPER AND IN EVERY POCKET????? IS IT???? I'm not mad, I promise! I just got a little excited when you said you found a DS game under your cushion. You're sooo lucky :o/

  5. OMGosh...That is hysterical!! How could you even sit with our feeling all of those lumps and bumps??! All that is under our couch cushins is crumbs...lot s and lots of crumbs! (i think!)

  6. That's a lot of socks! I just cleaned out our cushions last week looking for some DSi stuff. No luck. I looked through your list but they weren't there either. darn.

    I found crumbs, hair stuff, pencils, paper, and assorted other things. You're not alone.

  7. I can't look under the couch cushions. I've got enough junk to deal with just looking around the room. Seven guys in the house, and they can really dump a lot of junk everywhere. There can't be anything under the cushions--it's all out in the open!

  8. Sorry, but I don't have the nerve to look right now. Thank goodness I'm at work, so I don't have to. But now we know where all the socks go when they disappear from the dryer. They go to your house & live under the couch cushions! lol

  9. I'm surprised you didn't find Jimmy Hoffa under there! LOL!! Wow!

    I have found some crumbs and some lose change, but not all that!

  10. Wow So much! I'm just grateful my couch cushions don't lift up on 1 of the couches the other couch is another story.But Under my fridge and stove wowza! Good luck

  11. This happens to me ALL THE TIME!!
    We just replaced our couches that we called bottomless pits.

    One of them had a hole in the side between the seat and the arm. LOTS of fun nuggets liked to land in there.

    Before we put it to the curb we found:
    7 hair ties
    2 ballpoint pens
    17 legos
    4 wrappers
    2 dry erase markers
    3 highlighters
    8 crayons
    1 barbie coloring book
    2 books
    3 batteries - 2 AAA and one D
    2 cookies
    2 socks - non matching
    numerous crumbs
    and a partridge in a pear tree
    (well, okay, not really on that last one, but you get the gist!)

    Feel better? : )

  12. I'll just pitch my couch (it's really his couch) to the curb and move mine in and whatever goes out with the old couch can just stay out!

  13. Oh I'm not sure this will make you feel any better but I vaccuum under my couch about once a month so there might be a couple dust bunnies but that's about it :)


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