I would love to blog about something equally brilliant. Unfortunately you're just stuck with my ramblings, because I haven't been working on anything other than my tan, and that isn't going so well.
Today I fixed my hair all cute and then proceeded to watch all my stylin' wash away in the rain. And I do mean RAIN, we are talking Noah's Ark rain, people. My. Word.
Here's the problem: I don't like to wear a hat in the rain because it ruins my hairstyle. I don't like to wear a hood in the rain because it ruins my hairstyle. I don't like to wear my HAIR in the rain because it ruins my hairstyle. "Umbrellas are for cowards!" I cry as I run outside and totally throw caution (and my hair) to the winds.....and the rain.
I absolutely pretty much 100% categorically refuse to carry an umbrella.
Umbrellas are a nuisance. Who wants to carry an umbrella, look at all the fun you'd be missing? When you refuse to carry an umbrella:
- You can have the crazy thrill of running through a parking lot as fast as you can, hoping that it's not raining as much as it looks.
- You can experience that wonderful moment when a big drip cascades down your neck, down your back and between your shoulder blades
- Your hair can be a quick change artist - from full to flat in 5.7 seconds.
- You can experience what it would be like to take a shower with everything on.
- You can experience the fun as your mascara burns your eyes and runs down your face.
- You can look like a raccoon with your rings of mascara all around the eyes.
- You can have an excuse to change your clothes several times a day, as no one would expect you to remain in wet clothes.
- You can listen to the squeak, squeak, squeak of your shoes as you walk through the store and everyone turns to stare at you.
- You can have the thrill of discovery as you realize that you have a hole in the bottom of your shoe.
- You can cry in the rain and no one will ever know, unless you do the big ugly cry, in which case everyone will know.
- You can come in all wet from outside and look at someone blankly when they brightly ask "Oh, is it raining outside?"
- You could smack people with it if they are walking too slow.
- You could use it to pick up gum off the ground if you're feeling hungry.
- You could wave it around and yell "I am Mary Poppins. Follow me if you want to learn how to fly!!!!" and start running away fast.
- You could use it as a cane when your legs start to ache from all that running.
- You could carry it upside down and use it to carry your groceries.
- You could hide behind it and play peek-a-boo with total strangers.
- You could buy one in every color to match your wardrobe.