Friday, February 26, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
I mean after last weeks post we know she has issues!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Of course, I don't personally "know" the character, but if I have invested two hours or so of my life into something, I want my happy ending. I need my happy ending. I demand my happy ending.
So, as you can imagine, I am careful about what movies I watch on t.v., and I almost never go to a movie theater. I have gone out to the movies only once in five years.
The thing I don't like about movie theaters is that no one is willing to stop the movie so that I can get up and go to the bathroom. The nerve. And yes, I went before we left. Your point?
The other thing I don't like about movie theaters is that no one is willing to stop the movie so that I can get up and buy some more overpriced snacks.
My husband and I view going to the movie theaters differently. He doesn't really see a need to buy any of their goodies that they sell.
I very rarely go to the movies, as I said, so I tend to think of it as an "Event." Something along the lines of Disneyland. Only without the rides. And without Mickey. And without the castle. And without the long lines.
Oh wait a minute, this is a movie theater. There are usually long lines somewhere. Especially in the food line and the bathroom line.
I also have a fear of leaving my seat (to go to the bathroom if you must know) and not being able to find it again. I have a fear of walking up and down the aisles in the dark, glancing from side to side trying to find where my husband and children are sitting.
For some reason I can't bring myself to tell you about my bathroom habits (aren't you glad?). They are fine, really they are. But for some reason whenever I sit down in a movie theater, the call of the bathroom is like a siren's call. Or call of the wild. Or the young and the restless. I just can't avoid it.
As I mentioned before, it's dark in there. I have a fear of coming back and sitting down next to a total stranger, putting my hand in their popcorn, whispering "Wow, I really had to go!" into their ear, and drinking their pop and burping quietly but annoyingly into their popcorn.
See, this is why I stay home. I almost never get lost coming out of my own bathroom.
Monday, February 22, 2010
So this weekend, I was trying to force myself to begin to organize. It's been one of those things for me that seemed too overwhelming to face. So I pushed the daunting task aside and tried to ignore it... as if that would make it go away. But alas, I knew at some point, I'd have to do it.
On Saturday I had a fun afternoon planned, so I decided that I'd face "the house" in the morning while knowing I had something to look forward to that afternoon. Talk about OVERWHELMING!!!
My house is full of THINGS. Full of CLUTTER. When we moved here 9 years ago, I swore I wouldn't collect clutter. I didn't want to have to ever deal with moving CLUTTER again. But ya know what? Somewhere along the way.... four kids and two adults re-cluttered this house.
Yep, and trying to unclutter is hard for me. Everything I pick up is a "memory" or a "might need this someday!" Not that I've needed it for YEARS, but "what if?" And knowing me, the day after I throw it away, THAT is surely when I'll need it. But was it worth the cluttered space that it took up in my house all this time?
Nope. It wasn't. So in the days and weeks to come, I'm boxing things that we want to keep, boxing things that we want to take to Goodwill, and throwing tons away.
My name is Erica...
and I am a PACK RAT.
Anyone wanna fly down to Texas, get me organized, and help me with the last of the repairs that need to be done on the house? Pretty please with sugar on top? I'll let you take all the clutter back home with you!!!?
Friday, February 19, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
- Blogged about bleaching the hair on my chinny chin chin and then some. Oh and don't forget about the picture. Oh boy, why did I have to bring that up again?
- I once told my boss that he resembled the company mascot. The resemblance was uncanny to say the least. The only difference was that one was a cartoon sailor boy. He got a pretty good laugh out of it, thank goodness.
- Gave birth to a little 7lbs human being. Wow, man, I did that?? How many men can say that?!!! Well, there is that one man, but let's just not go there, ok?!
- Peed my pants. It's true! I laugh. I pee. I sneeze. I pee. I even run to the bathroom as if I were a pull-up wearing two year old doing the potty dance. And apparently I'm not the only one with leakage problems. I didn't know it was part of the post-preggers package.
- And since we're on the subject, I'll go ahead and confess another leakage incident. First, let me ask you a question? Have you ever dreamed that you had to go and you searched and searched for a potty like there was no tomorrow? Well, I have and not only did I find that potty, but I actually used it too. I vowed that from now on I was going to pinch myself before I go.
- I'm also guilty of the toot and run. Come on. Y'all know what I'm talking about. You're in the store and all of the sudden it hits you and it just comes out. Then you try going under the radar and over two or three aisles. Don't deny it...
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
So......how come when I tell my body that I am going on a diet, it ignores me or acts like it has no idea what I'm talking about? Hmmmmm? How come my brain doesn't seem to remember that fact and instead reaches for the Dove chocolates that somebody bought me? Hmmmm?
And why did somebody buy me Dove chocolates anyway?????
How come my body seems to have no interest in exercise? How come my tummy keeps reminding me how good ice cream tastes? How come my willpower always says "There's always tomorrow. Tomorrow looks good. Start tomorrow." How come "tomorrow" never comes?
Why, people? Why????
Why did I zip up my slacks yesterday, only to discover that I can barely fasten them and have nothing that fits and why isn't my body cooperating with me????? Ugh.
Why don't vegetables taste like chocolate? Why doesn't chocolate taste like liver? Then I would never eat it. Why??? Hmmm, maybe I should have some cheese with that whine.
Monday, February 15, 2010
But it's more than just a theory...
CUZ IT WORKS!
Next time someone you know has the hiccups, I want you to try something. Let the hiccups go on for a few moments so you know they're a REAL GOOD CASE.
Ask them "When's the last time you saw a rabbit?" They'll look at you like you're crazy. Keep talking til you get them to tell you whenever the LAST time was that they actually saw a real, live rabbit. Then ask them a few specifics about it. Try "What color was it?" "What was it doing?"
After about three questions, the hiccups are usually gone. But it could take up to five.
Anyway.... you should try it!
You just might be surprised. I've been using this method for 16 years, and I'd say its worked in all but maybe 3 cases EVER! Those are pretty good odds, don't ya think?
If it works for you, be sure to come back and tell us about it, okay?
So....when's the last time YOU saw a rabbit?
Friday, February 12, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Back in 1973 there was supposed to be a toilet paper shortage. I don't know if that was really true or not, but my grandparents believed it, apparently. They had a whole wall of toilet paper storage. Shelves and shelves of toilet paper.
My mom got a kick out of it! In fact, she figured that they had enough toilet paper to last them the rest of their lives.
You know, not to get too personal or anything, but there are just some things that you don't want to run out of. Toilet paper being one of them. Kleenex being another.
My dad grew up in the "handkerchief" generation, and without being too gross, let me just say that you couldn't pay me to use one of those. I say use it and throw it away. Don't wash it!
Although that is kind of hypocritical I guess. I used cloth diapers and well, you know the stuff on that doesn't even compare.
By the way, when I say "I used cloth diapers" I don't mean that I personally used them. I mean that my children used them. But since they were babies, they really weren't into the whole washing and hygiene thing, so they used them but I was responsible for cleaning them. Just wanted to clarify for any of you that were seriously concerned about the health of my bladder. It is fine, thank you. My colon says "hello" as well.
Let's get back to toilet paper. Hurry. Since when did toilet paper seem a safer topic than diapers?
Just for fun I googled "What did people do before toilet paper?" and guess what? People have already googled that phrase before. Guess I'm not all that original. Kind of scary that that many people are interested in toilet paper shortages though.
By the way, you aren't going to get a history lesson here. I don't know what people did before toilet paper. Matter of fact, I don't even want to think about it. I just think it's funny that you can google that.
After I typed "google that" in the previous sentence, it made me wonder if "google" was actually considered a verb. Then I googled "Is google a verb?" and you can google that too! Yes, apparently it is a verb.
If google is a verb now, how come my spell check doesn't seem to even recognize that it's a word? Oh well. Make sure you don't run out of toilet paper people. I'm just sayin'.......
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Isn't it funny how someone's kind gesture can turn your day around? Even doing something kind for someone else can lift you up. It's like that Liberty Mutual commercial. It just amazes me how kindness can spread like a wild fire. It's very contagious and I hope we all get bit by this kind of bug today, tomorrow, and always.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Anyway, I haven't cut chocolate out completely but I have cut down on it. Until my oldest found the hollow bunny for me. I love the hollow bunny. The hollow bunny is hallowed around here. At Easter time......and by the way, it's not even Valentine's Day yet so what are hollowed bunnies doing out????? Anyway, I love me some bunny.
I have to eat the ears first. It's all about the ears. I know it's sick, and to those of you who are repulsed and offended by my vicious attack on the bunny, I want you to know that he hit me first. Look at those wild, crazy eyes. Is there any doubt as to who was the aggressor here?
*munch, munch, munch* Yes. *munch, munch* He started it.
Oh, and you know those little fuzzy yellow marshmallow chicks? I rip their heads off and eat them, and leave their poor little defamed bodies for the rest of the family.
However, should we ever meet in person, I just want you to know that you're perfectly safe with me. Unless you're made of chocolate.
Or unless you look like this.
Ooops. Wrong chick. Sorry. I meant this one.
Oooops, wrong again. Well you know what I mean, right?
Monday, February 1, 2010
I'm excited and I'm nervous all at the same time.
it's administrative/clerical which is what I do best,
and it's exactly what I wanted...
yet I'M NERVOUS.
and I think my brain may have turned to mush.
I know I'm capable of doing... or learning to do anything they ask me to do. But learning so much new stuff, and having them cram it all into my already crowded head makes me NERVOUS! Afterall... my pegs and drawers are already FULL! Or did you not see that post?
I know today will be a day of filling out paperwork, reading forms, and probably (hopefully) rather boring. Yet still I'M NERVOUS.